| meme | ten days: ten things you want to say to ten different people

[watson_ofarkham]

1. I understand quite well the importance of redemption and forgiveness -- the value of it -- but in spite of the rumours I've heard, I don't think I can ever forgive you for all you've done to me. For all I've done to myself in your name. I hope you can live with that. I hope we both can.

2. I wish so desperately I could tell you all the things I've seen and experienced over the last few years, but I fear you wouldn't understand. Not only because you never approved of what my father lived his life for -- what I lived my life for -- but because I'd have to include some of the terrible choices I made for any of it to make the least bit of sense.

3. I never meant to hurt you. I did what I did because at the time I thought it was the best means of keeping you safe. I was wrong and it damaged our relationship. I'm sorry.

4. I wish I could understand why you settled for the life you did. Then again, I suppose I settled to some degree, too, in going back to Mira.

5. I gave everything I had for you. Every dream I had for the longest time, every hope, everything -- it was all in some desperate, misguided attempt to earn your approval. I realize now how naive I was and how impossible your standards were, yet I still can't help but wonder what you would think of me now. I imagine you'd still be disappointed.

6. I don't think I'll ever love you in the way you'd like me to, and for that I'm terribly sorry.

7. I wish I had your heart and your courage. I can't say you haven't made some terrible decisions under the guidance of one or the other, but over the course of the time I've known you, we all have and not always with the same noble intentions.

8. Even if it would have potentially damned us all, I'm sorry I couldn't do as he asked quickly enough. I'm sorry I couldn't save you.

9. I wish I'd gotten the chance to know you.

10. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'd say I wasn't myself, but ... I suppose the darkness I felt then was always a part of me and always will be.

Comments

[intuitivelyapt.livejournal.com]

Those aren't all about me, are they?

[watson_ofarkham]

Contrary to whatever you may believe, the world does not revolve around you.

[intuitivelyapt.livejournal.com]

It's okay, Mohinder. I accept each and every apology.

[watson_ofarkham]

Truly, I wonder why I even bother.

I think you'll find the first one was in reference to you, actually.

[intuitivelyapt.livejournal.com]

Really? I was hoping for 3. Maybe 7. Or, you know, all of the above.

[watson_ofarkham]

Again, the world thankfully does not revolve around you.

[intuitivelyapt.livejournal.com]

And that's why it's such an awful place. Don't you think I could make it better? With all my dreams and ambitions and ... you know. Charm.

[watson_ofarkham]

Oh, yes. We could all be sarcastic, dangerous sociopaths. How lovely that would be.

[intuitivelyapt.livejournal.com]

Aren't we all already sarcastic, dangerous sociopaths? There's a philosophical quandary for you.

[watson_ofarkham]

I highly doubt Peter is. Isn't that part of your fascination with him? That your polar opposites?

[intuitivelyapt.livejournal.com]

Does it matter? Why do you care so much about what I think of Peter?

[watson_ofarkham]

I don't particularly. I was simply making a point.

Did I hit a nerve?

[intuitivelyapt.livejournal.com]

Would you be happy if you did?

[watson_ofarkham]

Immensely.

[intuitivelyapt.livejournal.com]

Then no.

[watson_ofarkham]

Somehow I rather imagine you're lying.

[intuitivelyapt.livejournal.com]

Too bad there's only one of us here with a a lie detector in their brain, and it's not you.

[watson_ofarkham]

At least there's not blood on my hands from killing others for my own gain.

[intuitivelyapt.livejournal.com]

They weren't all for my own gain.

[watson_ofarkham]

Oh, yes. How silly of me to forget the fact that my father had nothing for you to steal.

[intuitivelyapt.livejournal.com]

Are you really gonna make me retell the story of me and your old man?

[watson_ofarkham]

I think you've beaten that horse quite enough, so no.

[intuitivelyapt.livejournal.com]

I guess it must hurt, knowing how much more he liked me. And I killed him! You'd have to be a pretty bad son to rank beneath that, huh?

[watson_ofarkham]

...

I see Peter hasn't housebroken you well enough to realize no means no yet.

[intuitivelyapt.livejournal.com]

Did I hit a nerve?