| meme | ten days

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession

| meme | ten days: ten things you want to say to ten different people

1. I understand quite well the importance of redemption and forgiveness -- the value of it -- but in spite of the rumours I've heard, I don't think I can ever forgive you for all you've done to me. For all I've done to myself in your name. I hope you can live with that. I hope we both can.

2. I wish so desperately I could tell you all the things I've seen and experienced over the last few years, but I fear you wouldn't understand. Not only because you never approved of what my father lived his life for -- what I lived my life for -- but because I'd have to include some of the terrible choices I made for any of it to make the least bit of sense.

3. I never meant to hurt you. I did what I did because at the time I thought it was the best means of keeping you safe. I was wrong and it damaged our relationship. I'm sorry.

4. I wish I could understand why you settled for the life you did. Then again, I suppose I settled to some degree, too, in going back to Mira.

5. I gave everything I had for you. Every dream I had for the longest time, every hope, everything -- it was all in some desperate, misguided attempt to earn your approval. I realize now how naive I was and how impossible your standards were, yet I still can't help but wonder what you would think of me now. I imagine you'd still be disappointed.

6. I don't think I'll ever love you in the way you'd like me to, and for that I'm terribly sorry.

7. I wish I had your heart and your courage. I can't say you haven't made some terrible decisions under the guidance of one or the other, but over the course of the time I've known you, we all have and not always with the same noble intentions.

8. Even if it would have potentially damned us all, I'm sorry I couldn't do as he asked quickly enough. I'm sorry I couldn't save you.

9. I wish I'd gotten the chance to know you.

10. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'd say I wasn't myself, but ... I suppose the darkness I felt then was always a part of me and always will be.